Self-love the foundational brick of life.

Self-love…mmm a topic we don’t often think about. We’ve all heard that self-love is important, that self-love is necessary if we want to love others. But none of us have taken some time out from our hurly-burly lives and contemplated this matter. 

Self-love is a pretty serious issue lad! The way we view ourselves in front of this unharmonious world can substantially affect us. Human beings are simple creatures, we love what’s in front of us first and keep ourselves in the second spot. It’s a default setting for all of us, we don’t keep ourselves on priority.

Let’s analyze self-love a little closer in this piece and the impact it can have on our life’s perspective.

What does self-love mean?

The term “self-love” is a liquified concept. It does not have an accurate definition. There are loads and loads of definitions for this concept. The definition of self-love for every individual varies, there cannot be a universal definition of this thing. However, in my opinion, all the definitions can be framed into a single one. As all of them have the same meaning, they all point in one direction at the end of the day.

“Self-love is choosing the right instead of giving in to your wants.”

Here’s an example to bring some clarity to your understanding of this. Why do people exercise daily? To stay fit, isn’t it? To lead a healthy life. This is self-love of a certain kind. You exercise regularly so that your body stays in shape so that you have clear skin so that you look good. It’s nothing but self-love. You can also call that self-discipline.


Self-love is the difference between doing what’s right for you and doing what you want. We all crave that last piece of pizza. But self-love is what makes us burn that extra fat during the exercise the next day. So if you see self-love and self-discipline are interrelated concepts and very much alike.

Pleasures and Self-love.

Most people confuse this phenomenon with pleasures. Doing what the individual wants is a pleasure but that’s not self-love.

Self-love and pleasure are two very different subjects. Pleasures don’t shape you as a human being. But self-love starts with improving yourself first and then the rest of the world. Yes, pleasures are good in the short term but their addiction can harm you in ways unimaginable. Self-love is never gonna be detrimental unless you start obsessing over yourself.


“Pleasures are very temporary whereas self-love is never going to perish.”

If you are in your 20s try to cultivate the habit of loving yourself first. In your 20s if you run behind pleasures that are so temporary. The damage caused will be for the long term. Cultivating the process of loving yourself at a young age will help you bring a balance to your life. You’ll start performing well in most fields of your life circle. As self-love is the substratum of your personality and character traits. Run to love yourself instead of running towards the cravings and the pleasures.

How to bespeak self-love and not pleasures?

  1. Focus on lifelong matters like health, specific knowledge, skill development, and leverage. Developing them is more important.
  2. Register that pleasures are escapes from the real world. They are perfectly fine once in a while. But their prolonged implementation can be toxic. 
  3. If you’re practicing your pleasure 5 times a week reduce it slowly to a point where it doesn’t feel like a pleasure anymore.
  4. Hang out with elder and mature people. They’ll help you understand why to pursue self-love and not pleasures.

Self-reflect to amplify self-love.


Self-reflecting is very underrated don’t you think? Do me a favor and take some time from your day to self-reflect after you read this. Let me know in the comments your experience. Now I’m not going to tell you how to self-reflect, alright? None of us will have the same method for it, figure out your method.

People are busy in their day-to-day lives and none of us reflect upon ourselves that often. That’s the truth, we just don’t do it. Self-reflecting can help you a lot in realizing self-love. Self-reflecting is analyzing yourself, your actions are your activities. To understand and know where you are going wrong and what you are doing right.

Most of us don’t recognize the gains achieved but instead focus on gains that were missed. We often fall into the trap of guilt while procrastinating and not hustling. But self-reflecting will indeed guide you in knowing in which areas of your life are you progressing. Which we’ll eventually make you feel good about yourself and your satisfaction levels will improve. Resulting in a surge of love for yourself.

How does self reflect to amplify your self-love?

  • Introspect at least once a week to map your efforts and endeavors.
  • Practicing mindfulness can give you significant clarity on who you are, how you think, and what you want.
  • Journal your thoughts. Your brain is a complicated machine. When your thoughts will come on a piece of paper in front of you. They’ll be much more lucid and intelligible.

State of mind.


Self-love is not a fixed state of mind, that’s the harsh truth. It’s a strenuous job to maintain this state of mind. When a failure hits an individual self-love will unconditionally start expiring. It’s not the individual’s fault, it’s just human tendency. 

This phenomenon can burgeon exponentially over time through your actions that lead to maturity. It’s like rewards and gains that you get when you level up in life. It can be reframed as “gaining an appreciation for yourself through emotion level, physical level, and spiritual level.

How to approach self-love in the right way?

  • First and foremost is don’t try hard to be in that state of mind. If you are trying hard to love yourself, it will just not make a difference.
  • It will come naturally to you when you’ll accomplish your goals regularly without any inconsistency.
  • Self-love is inversely proportional to the number of desires you have. You have a large number of desires, self-love will naturally be back-breaking to achieve. That’s because you’ll always feel unfulfilled if your desires pile up.
  • It’s tough to always do the right thing, I know. It’s okay to cut yourself some slack in-between times. 
  • Finally, the last thing you can do to elevate your self-love is to iterate. Iteration is the key to all the disciplines of life. 


  • Self-love is doing what’s right and not doing what you want.
  • Pleasures and loving yourself are two very different concepts.
  • It’s not a fixed state of mind. You have to nature it through your actions and maturity over the time
  • Trying hard to love yourself will make no difference. Let it flow naturally, doesn’t matter how much time it takes.
  • Iterate.

Let me know in the comments what you think?

Spreading motivational vibes 😉

Shivam Deshpande

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